Persist

I guess I've fallen in love with the break
zipped down my body and soul in zigged cracks
me broken and living for my own sake
held together with press stick and tacks
because that's all I can do when it's sore
body and soul a swollen bruise
and I guess I just keep expecting more
when everyone things I've got nothing to lose
so I guess I love this broken me
nothing special, nothing to show
exist to spite the peanut gallery
and withstand everything life may throw

-o0o-

Optimism-ish

blood runs thinner these days

more water than fat

dishwashing liquid and butter

both

run, and no substance

but sugar is sweet

sweet as it ever was

so don’t despair the failure of certain quality

since there is quality aplenty in other places

and when the tide pulls from one thing

it goes to another

-o0o-

Makeup

cottonball ceremony

unbecoming man

paint on, paint off

as hard as I can

eye lined, gloss nails

bringing matter back to gender

a worship of form

a god to render

ex nihilo fantasy

makeup so sweet a twist

a made up liturgy

from a staunch atheist

-o0o-

Myprodol

you're a bastard

you know that?

two kisses, three times a day
with every meal

and I can already feel that pull

that old allure of addiction

calling me in for another kiss

and another

and another

till all the pain will be gone

lips full of kisses

arms full of promises

beautiful, blooming, barbituate lover

that precipice you represent

and the promise I made to myself years ago

to keep lovers like you on a fucking short leash

I'm done with you for today
go back to your side of the bedside table
I'll be off with some water and anger for the pain in the mean time

I'll see you later for my breakfast kiss

-o0o-

sick

pain, my constant companion

today they've gotten a bit full of themselves

and asserted their presence a bit too aggressively

so I'm bedridden

come read to me, old friend

put yourself into that place where I forget you

if only for a minute

get your tendrils out of my stomach

and my back, and my lungs

if only for a second

so I can breathe again

-o0o-

the old shirt

"him"

again

the same word

the wrong pronoun

my own lips betraying me

I know why I do it

playing out the old narrative

constantly

trying to play a dead character

a man I killed in my head

the boy I was never meant to be

"him"

again

I said it of myself

and I know why

trying to hide behind "him" again

a fiction I invented to survive

because "them" is so 'pretentious'

"him"

again

I know why I do this

because it's a powerful narrative

isn't it?

speaking of "him"

so much more powerful

than to speak of "them"

because I am "them"

and I don't think they will listen to them

until I stop playing this hiding game

training my own lips

teaching them not to disown me

teaching them not to take part in self-hatred

teaching them not to dress me in "him"

teaching them not to make me be a dead boy

a dead gender

a bad, old t-shirt I used to wear to fit in

"him"

blue

snips and snails

puppy dog tails

all binned

so that I can be true to myself

because whether they see me as I am

the first step is to see myself as I am

"them"

-o0o-

Coastline

she stood by the coast

her feet on the grass

munching on toast

parking her ass

she's kicked with sand

by a fuck undeterred

she raises her hand

and flips him a bird

-o0o-

The Desperate Hero

the pull to save you is strong

that impulse that beckons me

to swoop in and drag you into my arms

and set you free

because I'm addicted to that

to play the hero's role

to save the lost and sad

regardless of the toll

when in truth I'm in need for once

I need someone to care

a kind soul to look at me

and see I'm really there

-o0o-

All Lives Matter?

You know, playing at semantics is always fun,
   when marginalized people are being killed en mass.
But Little Lord Privilege over here feels 'left out'.
   Boo hoo.
Did marginalized people speaking about their suffering upset you?
   Did people who are being slaughtered daily make you feel uncomfortable?
It would be so much easier if they just suffered in silence, wouldn't it?
   Then you wouldn't have to be reminded of how fucking lucky you are.
When marginalized people say they suffer,
   and you as a privileged person say, "I suffer too."
Do you know what that sounds like?
   You got all the cookies,
   and a starving person wants one cookie,
   and you scream, "I deserve a cookie too!"
   Do you know what you sound like?
Do you know what it's like to be queer in this day and age?
   Where the life expectancy of a transgender person is 40 years?
Do you know what it's like to be a queer person of colour?
   Where the life expectancy can be as low as 25 years?
When they say, "Our Lives Matter!"
   When they cry out because of the abuse they suffer.
And you waltz through declaring "All Lives Matter!"
   Well done.
Well done you selfish arsehole.
   Here. Let me clap for you... slowly.
I'm reminded of the cartoon of the fireman,
   watering a house next to a house on fire.
   "All Houses Matter."

Do me a favour.
   Instead of lecturing me about how "All Lives Matter"
   How about you take your entitled privileged ass,
   and go tell some racists, homophobes, transphobes, and misogynists,
   that all lives matter, EVEN OURS.

And stop pretending as if marginalized people are the ones being dishonest and divisive.

#BlackLivesMatter
#TransLivesMatter
#LGBTQIALivesMatter
#WomensLivesMatter

-o0o-