Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label addiction. Show all posts

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Ricky Man

I knew Ricky Man.
I knew Ricky Man back when.
I knew him when the Earth was flat.
I knew him when the moon was holy.
...when Coca Cola was cheap;
when he sat slumped,
face down, drunk,
cooking his brain in some second hand philosophy book,
college of life burning late on his alchemical tank,
and adding fuel in small white powder sniffs.
-Breaking into one of his familiar tiffs with the tiny bar lady,
the one he swears he fucked.
..but I knew he was as gay as a seven rand note.
And he smiled at me with his knowing eyes,
the only times I swear he saw the world soberly.
I knew Ricky Man.
I knew Ricky Man back when.
Ricky Man smoked a pipe.
A glass pipe.
Called it his caterpillar stick.
And he told stories like a magician.
His teeth clinking on glass,
like a groom calling his audience to class,
and we small children sat at his feet,
in a long forgotten street,
and listened to spinning stories:
of long ago alleyways, brothels,
and that one cop that owed him one.
He curled over the edge of his table,
and drummed the story into the wood,
with the ball of his palm,
stuttering through the haze of drink,
and the jagged segues of coca daze,
his haphazard bedtime mazelike stories,
that twisted around you,
like carousels of living horses.
We didn’t believe a word he’d say,
but it was all about the way he'd said it.
I knew Ricky Man.
I knew Ricky Man back when.
His foot sticking out this way,
fingers pointing accusingly at every audience member:
till one by one we were shot down,
one drunk,
one coked up,
one just tired from a long day.
Us, just as hazy as he was,
boiled out by the familiar heat of a small town sun.
And he’d finally fizz out and pass out,
kicked out for sleeping,
or puking on himself,
he just needed to get up.
He just needed to find his feet.
One last person to greet.
...and as he crossed the street.
...well.
He didn’t see the car coming.
I knew Ricky Man back when.
I knew Ricky Man with his soda ash coat.
I knew Ricky Man with his blood libation to mother night.
I knew Ricky Man before we spoke of him in backwards facing sentences.
I knew Ricky Man.
I knew Ricky Man back when.

-o0o-

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Still Nothing...

Uninspired.
Spending time with my feet on the ground.
Hoping to grow roots.
Maybe draw something from the earth.
Nope.
Still nothing.
Making coffee.

-o0o-

Tuesday, November 01, 2016

Survival

Sally's awake in the night.
Sally's awake in the day.
Sally's bruised from the fight.
Sally can't come out to play.
Sally is sick with the pox.
Sally's got blood in her hair.
Sally is hand-me-down socks.
Sally is worn threadbare.
Sally won't tell of her tears.
Sally is happy, serene.
Sally was missing for years.
Sally just tries to keep clean.

-o0o-

Friday, March 04, 2016

Sated

full is easy
sated not so much
full is a bowl of rice
sated is a good rice salad
full is fucking ten random guys
sated is the love of one
it is true
I want the whole world
but make no mistake
I'll take full over empty in a heartbeat

-o0o-

Saturday, October 03, 2015

Not Enough

I’m not enough
just a small cup
take just one sip
you’ve drunk me up

my heart can only break so much
often it's broken for me
often broken for someone else
but I can only break so much, you see

I’m not a lot
just one cup
just one long moment
and I’m used up

-o0o-

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Myprodol

you're a bastard
you know that?
two kisses, three times a day
with every meal
and I can already feel that pull
that old allure of addiction
calling me in for another kiss
and another
and another
till all the pain will be gone
lips full of kisses
arms full of promises
beautiful, blooming, barbituate lover
that precipice you represent
and the promise I made to myself years ago
to keep lovers like you on a fucking short leash

I'm done with you for today
go back to your side of the bedside table
I'll be off with some water and anger for the pain in the mean time
I'll see you later for my breakfast kiss

-o0o-

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

pearl one, stitch two

pearl one, stitch two,

today is a long day,

pearl one stitch two,
stir the cup,

longer than usual,

pearl one, stitch two,
stir the cup,
have a bath,

i’m struggling,

pearl one, stitch two,
stir the cup,
have a bath,
make a sandwich,

watching the hours pass,

pearl one, stitch two,
stir the cup,
have a bath,
make a sandwich,
sit in the dark,

I can’t cope today,

pearl one, stitch two,
stir the cup,
have a bath,
make a sandwich,
sit in the dark,
turn up the music,

so I won’t,

pearl one, stitch two,
stir the cup,
have a bath,
make a sandwich,
sit in the dark,
turn up the music,
dance in the dark,


i’ll just sit here,

-o0o-

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

To know me...

You know it's not that hard,
to know me.

It's free.
It's easy.
I'm right here in black and white.
I'm printed right in front of you.
I'm open for the eye to see.
It's easy.
It's free.
And still people 'discover' me harshly.
As if they didn't notice me taking up space.

It's not that hard,
to know me.

Pick up and read,
Get to know me.
It's that simple.
All me, condensed into words.
Bite-sized-me for easy consumption.
I'm not an epic story.
I'm not a sweeping drama.
I'm not an opaque mystery.
I'm just a few poems.
A handful of verses.
Descriptors of a broken soul laid bare.
An invitation to sit down and see,
It's easy.
It's free.

It's not that hard,
to know me.

-o0o-

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

My Familiar Auspices

My familiar auspices,
are coming home to nest.
So I guess I should stock up,
and do what I do best.
With advantageous gains gotten,
from another night's rest.

Then I put my pen to paper,
I put my ear to song,
I put my brush to paint and stroke,
the colours thick and strong -
Remind myself of all the things,
where I know I belong.

These rarest times of clarity,
like food to starving souls,
are currency to darker times,
when times demand their tolls,
and fortitude is drained from us,
through agony shaped holes.

So I store up my strength today,
and fatten up my store.
I open up all the portals,
each window and each door,
and let the light come flooding in,
the way it did before.

So I clutch unto my guitar,
my brush, my heart and pen.
I hold onto every feeling,
now as when I did then.
Because I cannot tell when such,
good light will come again.

-o0o-

Sunday, October 03, 2010

The Skinny Little Man

He always sits there
Behind my head
Clinging on with nailed fingers...
...digging into the back of my head
Using my hair like a stepladder
Telling me that I need another go
Another line
Another dose

He's at his worst when I'm around users
And he tells me,
"Look at them,
Aren't they having fun?"

He's been growing thinner
But his voice is just as loud as always
And it's easier sometimes
But not today
I will always be an addict

-o0o-

Friday, March 12, 2010

Hard Day

It's warm
I'm sweating
The labour is hard
But it's good

Pushing more and more
Carrying the stock by myself
The other guys are on site... I'm here alone
But it's good

Customers changing their minds
This then that
No... they want that now
But it's good

Making money
Making progress
Getting better at this
And it's good

Pushing myself further
Sitting down in the office
Back in pain
But it's good

Head is spinning
Faster and faster
Paperwork won't sit still with the fan blowing
But it's good

Drink lots of water
Sing a happy song
Keep my mind on the good things
Make it good

I've never done anything
Never mattered
Been told before that I don't matter
That I wasn't good

But now I'm working
with my hands
Pushing hard
Becoming good again

It's a hard day...

-o0o-