When I'm Sick

it's worse when I'm sick

the memories set in quick

lock my bones, click/click

reminds me of him

him who broke me

down

into small pieces

when the fever sets in

and his hands become

here and now

instead of then and there

a horrid pair

touching my flesh

ripping my skin

crushing bone

as I beg the phantom to leave me alone

and he takes that smarmy tone

it's worst when I'm sick

and it happens again

the same play

on repeat the same way

years after it happened

and my fevered mind

bringing it back

hit rewind

PTSD unkind

with teeth gritting

staring at the wall

white-ing out my mind

reminding me

he's not here at all

-o0o-

Myprodol

you're a bastard

you know that?

two kisses, three times a day
with every meal

and I can already feel that pull

that old allure of addiction

calling me in for another kiss

and another

and another

till all the pain will be gone

lips full of kisses

arms full of promises

beautiful, blooming, barbituate lover

that precipice you represent

and the promise I made to myself years ago

to keep lovers like you on a fucking short leash

I'm done with you for today
go back to your side of the bedside table
I'll be off with some water and anger for the pain in the mean time

I'll see you later for my breakfast kiss

-o0o-

sick

pain, my constant companion

today they've gotten a bit full of themselves

and asserted their presence a bit too aggressively

so I'm bedridden

come read to me, old friend

put yourself into that place where I forget you

if only for a minute

get your tendrils out of my stomach

and my back, and my lungs

if only for a second

so I can breathe again

-o0o-