My Familiar Auspices

My familiar auspices,
are coming home to nest.
So I guess I should stock up,
and do what I do best.
With advantageous gains gotten,
from another night's rest.

Then I put my pen to paper,
I put my ear to song,
I put my brush to paint and stroke,
the colours thick and strong -
Remind myself of all the things,
where I know I belong.

These rarest times of clarity,
like food to starving souls,
are currency to darker times,
when times demand their tolls,
and fortitude is drained from us,
through agony shaped holes.

So I store up my strength today,
and fatten up my store.
I open up all the portals,
each window and each door,
and let the light come flooding in,
the way it did before.

So I clutch unto my guitar,
my brush, my heart and pen.
I hold onto every feeling,
now as when I did then.
Because I cannot tell when such,
good light will come again.

-o0o-

Sweep

today to sweep up
pic up the photos
put them away
pack them in boxes
leave them out of sight
it's better this way
give them a place
somewhere else
out of sight... for now
so air can return
to cluttered shelves

-o0o-

Anticlimax

Is that it then?
You and me, done.
Wrapped up so neatly,
Story ended so sweetly.
Me and you in a box,
With the side-by-side locks,
Where we turned the keys,
Threw them away.
Done.
Such a bitter taste.
Feels like three years' waste.
I can't help but be sad.
Remembering the good times we had.
And I'm so depressed.
Missing someone,
Who doesn't miss me back.
Our lives packed up,
Stored,
Swept under the mat,
Is that, that?
Good day, and a tip of the hat?
I know that you're gone,
And it's all for the best.
You'll find someone better than me,
And I hope you do.
I never loved someone,
The way I love you.
I just hate that it's over,
Even though it's good,
We never got things working,
The way that we should.
And my heart still burns for you.
I will always wish you well.
I just hate this transition,
Turning from us,
Into me and you.

-o0o-

where I am

refreshing newer waters
something new to crave
a drink to chill the soul
and sore feet
something new to eat
someone new to meet
recharge the old batteries
so I can move on again

-o0o-

I know you

I know you and who you've been.
All these things you are, I've seen.

Yes, I was there when laughter rang,
and heaven awed so as we sang.

I know you for what you now are:
your darkest shade, your brightest star.

I walked with you through coldest night.
You hid me when the sun was bright.

I've walked with you all of this way.
I know your tick, your stride, your sway.

I know there is no dark in you.
You're light and beauty, through and through.

You blind the sun and shame the sea,
and still you'd walk this way with me.

So don't let any fool tell you,
that you're not good and bold and true.

Because you're much more and even so:
your light makes all that shimmers glow.

-o0o-

Thread

My life a single thread

Runs from toe to head

Each stitch a single piece

And here I've come undone

The lazy hatching untwisted

Run out all in one

One single line

Peeling me: skin, organs, bones

Left disregarded once used

The abused playground of careless children

Because I don't matter

To them

To those who see the world as an open field

To extend their hopes and worries

Disregarding the effect it has

Disregarding those

Who they stand on to get where they're going

I became the beds they lie on

The tables they eat off of

The extra in their narratives

Cutting pieces of my thread

Sewing them into their tapestries

I've played this roll for so long

I can't even remember who I am

When I knit it all back together

I don't know the person I see

-o0o-

Body Proud

I am skin and fat
     a fleshy guitar wrap
Beat my belly from without
     my heart echoes
At one with the music
     Boom
          Boom
My fingers click
     holding that tick
          the metronome of life
Beat out at once
     strung to the dance
Big thing that I am
     doublebass body
          cello voice
Heavy music
     solid beat
          dancing hips, tapping feet
Slung around in shameless style
Body proud
Body loud

-o0o-

Whiplash

the day that changes
when laughter once was my friend
now we meet as strangers

how happily I had woken
and some hours later
I find my heart broken

and I'm hanging by a teather
with a heart battered
by stormy weather

-o0o-

Unfriend

Today I removed him
     Took him off social media
     I've taken him off my phone
I knew that if I didn't do this
     I'd start to hate him
     And honestly I deserve better than that
I've had the last of being hurt
     I've had the absolute last of blaming myself
     I'm done with hating myself
          Merely to stop myself from hating him
I'm done
     I'd rather have a hole in my life
     Than that toxic bitterness inside me
     That eats at me from within
     Every day
     Every time I see his face
Longing for a man that never loved me
     Crying for a man that never cried for me
I'm done
     It's over
          I'm through
It's not his fault
     It's mine

-o0o-

Dismused

For my own health
I've taken my muse
And shelved them
Put them back in their container
All nice and snug
Next to the rice and pasta
Next to the spice and wine
I can't draw from them anymore
They don't satisfy me
Or bring out the best in me
They don't mollify me
Or calm the teacups
And their infinite storms
For my own health
I've put them away
To the back of the cupboard
So I can breathe again
Spend some time with friends
Lend myself to art and music again
So I can have a day without crying
So I can peel a grapefruit
And suck at it's fresh juices
Feel revived
And know that I'm alive
Because I think I deserve as much
To have that little bit of freedom
To discover myself again
So that I can remind myself
That I matter
For my own health
So I've shelved that muse
That cultivates those blues
That glues me down in the old spot
Sticking me right back in sadness
The old trick of familiarity
Making me sick to my core
Dragging me back to his heart once more
That old heart I adore
For my own health
I'm putting it away
So far away
That I can't feel it anymore
For my own health

-o0o-