Cannibalized (An Old Poem Rewritten)

I rewrote this to more clearly reflect who I am. I wrote this originally trying to be cisgender, but I felt like this poem didn’t quite reflect who I am as well as I would like. So I fixed a few things.

Cannibalized (An Old Poem Rewritten)

there is little left of me
the rest was butchered by you
hidden behind the lines you drew
by the blue mountain's beach
where you broke off my hands
so justice couldn’t reach

and I can’t wipe my eyes
so your knife cannibalized my bones
and left nothing but lies
with my guts scattered among the stones
and my tears lubricated the pieces
made them slide down easy

and my mouth is stammering
with words marching - one / two
like you and your little soldier boys
how proud you must be, such toys
with your little guns and knives
and you fuck other men's wives

and I am left behind
just a chopped up faggot child
not worthy of love or care
pan- omni- bi- sexual, broken, wild and parted
the prime meat cut for your pleasure
the rest discarded

and you tied me down
like a dog and yelled at me
trying to fell my tree
by screaming at it
and you beat me and I bit
and you were so indignant

after all, why should the faggot bite you
you only did your worst for them
they should be grateful
and I did all I could to fight you
I'd be so terribly spiteful
the militant gay child

you taught the recipes well
and I learned
maybe not the lessons your taught
but I spurned your hunger
and I burned your books
and I ran away

and you saw my love for a black friend
and you threw your toys out of the cot
and you poured another soda and gin
so that all your little abuses may be forgot
but I remember still
and I bet you do too

and you do, you still do
everywhere I go I see it
the lines drawn by your knife
telling your story bit by bit
and you cry, "It's not true, not true."
your own protest defaming you

your uniform has faded a lot
and your lot is up
along with your time
spilled from your gin cup
along with my blood and pieces
mixed with your spit and grime

and I'm ready to be slaughtered
with rope and lace
clamped into one place
with my pace stuck
like I'm held down by glue
the remnants parts of you

when I stole my pieces back
they came back covered with dirt
the filth from you
splattered over my shirt and boots
years worth of accrue
eating into my roots

but I burned myself clean
baptized by fire
free of the dogmatic dream
the illusory liar
and my pieces found rest
and peace found the missing bits of me

and the smallest bits of me
did find their way home
and finally started to grow
some semblance of life
to be left alone
the last few inches of me

and your racist tongue is gone
and your teeth are out of my soul
the years have been long
since I last saw you
and you called
and I hung up on you

it felt so good
everyone thought I was in shock
you must have hurt me
but I was elated
such an arrogant cock I was
and I was happy

and I found my pieces
hiding here and there
behind another CD
behind another glass of water
one piece longing to be a son
the other longing to be a daughter

and one just wanting to be me
lost in a bitter world
fatherless from one father I flee
into an uncertain world
without your thoughts
without your plan

and I put myself together
fillet, Sirloin and Chops
gizzards, heart, the lot
all dancing to be amalgamated
thrown into the cooking pot
hoping that I be reanimated

-o0o-