Sunday, June 07, 2020

Offering

To be transgender means,
to have your genitalia become dinner table conversation.
Something people would never do with cis people.
But suddenly my cock and cunt is carved up,
to be consumed by polite cutlery.
To be transgender means,
to have your life sidelined by an imaginary person,
that people speak to and wonder why you don't answer.
My pronouns are they/them. My pronouns are they/them.
It is not that hard.
To be transgender means,
that every statement about you by cis people,
is university incorrect. Always.
And don't dream to correct them, 
because you will drown in wrath and tears.
To be transgender means,
there is no being. You don't get to just be.
Oh you get to identify as, but never just be.
You either disappear completely,
or you identify as.
To merely be, is not an option.
To be transgender means,
everyone gets to have an 'opinion',
over whether you get to live or die.
Existance isn't guaranteed, it's reduced to schoolyard 'debate',
and whether you can muster the wherefores and whytos,
to legitimise your claim on a heartbeat.
To be transgender means,
being constantly surprised that you're surprised.
Being constantly disappointed that you're disappointed.
Having dreamed to think things might be better this time around.
To be transgender means,
that when I was hurt, it wasn't really hurt,
I must have asked for it, or else I must have deserved it.
Besides, TERFs are just stochastic terrorists, 
they're not responsible for male violence,
except when it wasn't a man who threw the punch,
pushed the hatred, told another lie.
To be transgender means,
being tired, all the time.
Because no amount of sleep cures this.
No amount of rest brings your head above water.
To be transgender means,
you are constantly drowning.
To be transgender means,
I am not doing okay.
And it's not getting better.
And I don't see a tomorrow where this gets better.
And I don't think I'm going to make it.

-o0o-

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