Little Narcissis

You
Little Narcissus
I never did tell you
Why I ran away from you
Me, coward, as the sun set on your world
A coward, by text message to your phone
Afraid of your lies
Because I knew then who you were
That you were a liar
A dark liar you are
Some colourful stories of yours
Penned by your hand
And your mouth

You
I saw you
Staring at yourself
In your mirror
At your reflection
Mirror’s lust for yourself
I brushed it off because you
Seemed so innocent you
and your sad puppy eyes

You
I was a mirror to you
A piece of glass through which you
Could see yourself
You saw my success as yours
You saw your failures as mine, you
Saw me as bad, you
Saw me as broken, you
Made it so when it suited you
Always when it suited you

You
Used me, you
For your own needs, you
Never saw me as a friend, you
Just saw me as a convenient thing, you
For your pleasure

You
Thinking of everyone as less than you
Treating everyone as less than you
Disposable to you
And you thought of yourself
As indispensable, you
Became your own god

You
I fought for you
You and your dismissive attitude
My friends told me to beware of you
My mother told me run from you
I didn’t listen, I believed in you
I stood up for you

You
When you were in need
When you were down
When everyone spat you out
Even your own family
I opened my house to you
I opened my table to you
I let you sleep in my bed, while you
You let me sleep on the floor
I made sure that you were comfortable
I made sure that you were fed
I made sure that people left you alone
I protected you

You
You invaded
A parasite, you
Into our lives, you
Into my family’s lives, now yours
Your bed, your room, your food
My grandmother became sick, you
Became indignant, you said
“She’s not sleeping in my bed” you
Wouldn’t even let a sick woman
Sleep in your bed
When I slept on the floor for you

You
We had simple rules for you
Simple rules for you to follow
And you spat in our faces, you
Paraded yourself through the house, you
Naked in your underwear, you
Pranced through the living room in your underwear
While my grandmother was sitting there
Shocked at you
Flabbergasted at your arrogance
We asked simple things of you
We asked that you wash the dishes
But you wouldn’t
We asked that you clean up after yourself
But you wouldn’t, you
Were rude to our guests, you
Became an unwelcome guest, you
And I still fought for you

You
And you betrayed me, you
Couldn’t follow the most basic rule, you
Left the windows open, you
Let my dogs get out
We never found Ounooi, you
Acted like you were the victim
You and your puppy dog eyes
Crocodile tears
You selfish bastard
While my dog died in the cold because of you

You
I forgave you
Believed that you would change, you
Even after my mother kicked you out
I stuck by you
Even after your betrayal
I stuck by you
Faithfully, you
Always you

You
One day I told you
I told you that I loved you
I was such an idiot for you
And you rejected me, you
Turned me away from you
Withheld your love
For what reason, you alone knew

You
While you whore yourself to everyone, you
Threw yourself at anyone who hated or loved you
Fucked them at night, you
Wearing your trashy, cheap suit, you
Wearing your stinking cologne, you
Took whomever came at you
I saw the pictures of you
My mother also saw the pictures of you
Both of us from different people, you
Knew them both of those men, you
Fucked them both you did
Different people to you
Different circumstances to you
Same photos of you
Naked you
Being spread like HIV by those you fucked

You
Changed, you
I couldn’t speak to you
You wouldn’t let me speak to you
You avoided my questions put to you
You became shallower
Than you’d ever been before, you
Stopped treating me like your friend
But you made me damage control, you
Handled me with your sly words
You twisted my perception with your cleaver talk
But I had stopped believing you

You
It was unbearable by the time you called
The way I felt, how you liked it
How I felt imprisoned by you
Afraid that I might say the wrong thing to you
That I might insult you
Afraid that I might lose you
I became a wreck before seeing you
Afraid of what you might say
What you might do

You
By now I stopped trusting you
I couldn’t even look at you
I became sick at your presence
Unconvinced by your empty words
Your empty claims of your love
Your care
I asked simple things from you
Basic things from you
Things you seemed to brush off your shoulder
Like dust I became to you
Your lies became bold and reckless, you
Got caught you in a few of your lies
And a number of your boyfriends told me
They told me what a bad person I was
They told me how I should be grateful to you
How I was taken care of by you
They told me that I abandoned you
When I was needed by you
How much I hurt you

You
So I left you
Because by now I felt used by you
Because I felt dirtied by you
And you panicked
I was harassed by you for weeks
You accused me of some misunderstanding, you
Said that I was insulted
because I didn’t understand you
Your friends harassed me
Telling me what a bad person I was, while you
You were crying your tears
Acting like the victim, you
Telling them how bad I treated you
How will the last one feel when he knows you lied
And now your subterfuge means nothing
When he shouted at me
On your behalf

Two days after I had my grandmother’s funeral, you
Had him chew on me like your lapdog
I had to listen to your lies
From a foreign mouth
While you hid in the shadows
A coward who hid behind this strange mask
Your assassin
Someone who knew everything about me from to you
Your broken intelligence
He told me how I abandoned you
He told me how I hurt you
He told me how I was a bad “Christian” because I should forgive you
Regardless of the fact that I had already forgiven you
I’m just not stupid enough to get within ten feet of you
I’d already forgotten you
You had already become nothing to me

You
And then two months later, you
Came to me
You asked me how I was, you
As if you cared
I had just buried my grandmother, and you
Had your bitch chew on me, because you
You lied to me and him, you
How do you think I was doing?
You said sorry, you
Not really knowing what you were apologising for
I said nothing to you
And then you ask me for a hug?
I was taken aback
Surprised
A hug?
Seriously?
A fucking hug?
Will that make it all better for you?
Will that make all your pain go away?
Will that make it all okay for you?
Are you insane?
Fuck you

-o0o-